The Writing of my Place in History
My father will die tonight at 11 pm. One minute he will be strong, with his thunderous voice speaking in bravado against the scum of the earth. And the next moment, he will be lying knocked out cold against the ugly stones that are the road that politicians have refused to complete for some reason…. Continue reading
I have been reading about the Titanic and its monstrous accident. The ill-fated ship that launched a thousand legends, movies, and a particularly catchy Celine Dion song. We all know the tragic tale: a massive iceberg, a sinking ship, and the heart-wrenching scramble for lifeboats. But there’s an often overlooked part of the story—the men… Continue reading
Laugh. Laugh again. That’s exercise. Because, as always, Gitura stories are fun. If you read this blog, you know my village, Gitura. If you don’t, I’ll direct you to the other editions of Gitura Chronicles. It’s a village about 3 and a half kilometres East of Maua town where I was born and raised. Today,… Continue reading
2020, a year we will all remember, and tell tales about forever. The year when we got locked at home like zero grazed cattle. When normal human things like breathing and socializing became abnormal. I mean, would you have imagined, in January 2020 that you would be wearing masks all year yet you aren’t a… Continue reading
When we were fighting the coronavirus ravaging our bodies back in July, we said (it’s us, ladies and gentlemen), things have to change to enjoy life more. Because, as they say, life is for the living and you can’t enjoy life in the coffin, donge? That called for some new, different things. Like traveling to… Continue reading
Are you working from home? How is it going for you? My timelines show bored and lonely people. Others are drained by kids and spouses and others are distraught at the lack of public life – whether clubbing or churching. For introverts like us, others are having a time of their lives. 🙂 I started… Continue reading
Been a while since I told you about Calla. It’s been a while since I told you anything. Such has life been, busy. I think busyness comes with age, and responsibility. Like the responsibility of raising a toddler girl. Fatherhood. People call them Terrible Twos for a reason. We decided Calla will be called Terrific… Continue reading
December 23, 1989 is the most important day in my life. It is the day that bore this life, and generation, into existence. It is the day that made me, me. Okay, technically, 9 months before December 23, 1989 was the day that made me, but a lot happens in 9 months, right? December 23,… Continue reading
The other day, I attended a workshop for Real Men. That’s right, I was browsing the internet and came across an upcoming event for real men. The posting even taunted me – if you are a real man, sign up. I signed up, because I don’t like people doubting my manliness. It was like those… Continue reading
Living in towns is depressing. You wake up at the same time in the morning, wear plain boring clothes, go to the same office or class, or job hunt – the whole day. Then you sit in traffic for endless hours, or in a bar or cafe depending on who you are, to waiting for… Continue reading
2011. I have just finished CPA, after years of struggle. If you know about CPA, you know it’s a struggle. And I’m not even a natural at Math. Anyway, now that CPA is over, jobs will me waiting. That’s what they all said, “Usicheze na hizo vitu zinaitwa CPA. Mtu akimaliza CPA uwa hatoshi. Employers… Continue reading
On a certain night last month, I was playing hide and seek with Calla at JKIA to start the longest flight of my flying life. About 26 hours’ journey (of course with the 2 layovers). Destination: the United States of America, specifically Denver, Colorado. This was the result of a 2 month torturous preparation, getting… Continue reading
I will tell you something we people of Maua don’t like hearing but is true. Miraa is a drug! That’s right and I’m saying it again, Miraa is a drug. Read: Baite Inside! Yes, I am Meru But then, so is weed, and alcohol, and coffee, and tea. Especially coffee and tea – those are… Continue reading
Last Sunday, 19th May, we were braving the mud and cold of Limuru that I had started to somehow forget. Destination St. Anthony’s Children’s Home for Girls in a small convoy of two cars. Calla was mostly screaming on her mother’s laps (because her car seat was in the boot) and whenever we drive with… Continue reading
The other day, I was taking Jeddy to hospital. Then, I also decided to have a small check up – mostly because it’s completely free in that hospital if you have NHIF, otherwise I wouldn’t have because health care is too expensive to go around getting checked if you aren’t sick. You feel me? 🙂… Continue reading
Children grow very fast. I mean, just the other day, we were struggling with holding and bathing Calla, because she was too small, too fragile… She looked like she would break. But now, she is a grown girl who can’t keep calm. She is literally always on the move, running to the kitchen, bedrooms, through… Continue reading
I never wanted to be a farmer. I hated farming right from childhood despite my mother being an addicted farmer. Addicted to the level that only darkness, not time, would remove her from her farms. Literally, if there was moonlight, she would continue tilling and weeding and harvesting till late. The only part I enjoyed… Continue reading
It’s many moons ago, and I am fresh in Nairobi (just after I had come into the city in search of education and proper initiation into the world). I have lots of time in my hands and it has not occurred to me that I could use that time to tanga tanga William-style around and… Continue reading
If you have watched Girls Trip (yes, I have a feminine side), you know Tiffany Haddish. She was my favourite character in the movie, mostly because she was so natural in the way she brought out her fun… and she was cute. 🙂 So, I looked her up, and learned she has a book that… Continue reading
There were many reasons why I was looking forward to my hastily prepared trip to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Let’s assume the beautiful women we see in pictures was not one of them – you know, a man has to feed his eyes. I and I Rastas and weed lovers would enjoy a pilgrimage to SHASH-amane… Continue reading
Where were we last time? Oh yes … I was crying myself to sleep when I heard the news that Calla, hear this, MY daughter had been born healthy. Jeddy actually used the sentence “I’m holding your kamzungu here.” That was the picture I slept with at 2:00 am and woke up to at 4:30… Continue reading
One fine morning, on my way to work, I found our estate watchman reading a huge book with a black cover and was curious. You see, I always found him reading mainstream best selling authors (the ones we loved in high school like Jeffrey Archer, Sydney Sheldon – I found him reading a James Hardly… Continue reading
Kids, when you see the little, cute babies, don’t think it’s an easy, cute thing. Giving birth is not your mother. 🙂 It’s a whole 9 months of strife, of carrying an extra, 3 or 4 kgs, all day every day, not forgetting your own ballooning weight. Going to hospital for every simple illness, like… Continue reading
On 19th May 2018, an event was going down at the Nairobi Children’s Home in Lower Kabete. There was food, games, lots of gifts, and cake. Oh, and a brightly dressed girl in a shining crown. A princess. The name of the event was CALLABASH. It was quite a party. Complete with 2 MCs and… Continue reading
Mary (not her real name) is a woman in a complicated situation. And she is so good an actor, you can’t tell what’s going on in her life. You see, Mary is the wife of a pastor… and on Sundays, she is the bubbly “Mum” of her church, laughing and hugging everyone, leading the worship… Continue reading
Let’s talk about marketing a little… will we? When we went to school, we were taught about the 4 Ps of marketing: Product, Price, Promotion and Place. Famously known as the Marketing Mix. Remember that? Is it what you have known all along? Well, you are behind… sorry. The world moved on to the 4… Continue reading
Ladies and Gentlemen, I was an accountant! That’s right, I was… Maybe I still have some accounting knowledge, but most of it was swept away by the floods in my brain. And it’s not like being a Boy Scout – “Once an accountant always an accountant?” Na vile I struggled with CPA – that ridiculously… Continue reading
Like everyone who wasn’t born to big money, I have had my fair share of job interviews. I have attended a couple – though not as many as most people I know (you wouldn’t say I’m an experienced Interviewee). Maybe I haven’t been lucky to get that many interviews, or maybe many of the interviews… Continue reading
Have you ever looked at stones and wondered if they communicate, if they have senses, if they have life in there? I mean, they can’t just be there, doing nothing and being nothing. I do. A lot. Sometimes I look at stones differently. Stop giving me that look, I know what looking at a person,… Continue reading
I am demanding a Honorary Degree in dating. I have had so many dates, dating back many many years, that I want my place among the table of men. Real men. Follow closely. When I was in high school I was the thing. A Gambino Casanova himself(don’t ask me who that is, my mind’s fancy… Continue reading
How time flies. Just the other day, I was recapping 2016… and then just as I blinked, 2017 was gone and we were singing Feliz Navidad (or whatever that Chriostmas song says. And now we are in 2018. Older. Better? More experienced? So, what are the things that happened in 2017? Switched jobs You probably… Continue reading
Last week. Tuesday 14th 2017. My dad had been complaining of a severe headache for a week. And it was getting worse by the day. He had been to all hospitals in Meru (hospitals in upcountry Kenya can be shit and everyone had been giving him shit painkillers)… including miti shamba. Nothing was working, no… Continue reading
We met in very unconventional circumstances. While people nowadays meet on Social Media, we met on phone. Yes. She called the office line from the US and she wanted a pair of shoes shipped to her. Not a problem, we were in the business of selling shoes online. But this one order had too many… Continue reading
It’s a fine Sunday evening and I’m walking to Plot 10 from seeing my one of my hunnies at UoN Hall 5. We’ve been there since we left church and so, it’s been a romantic day – I am walking on clouds with a bounce… and a sweet feeling on my lips, of course. I’m even thinking… Continue reading
Last weekend was a dark weekend for our village and the surrounding villages. The dark cloud still hangs over us like a giant rock about to crash us. What you saw on TV and read in newspapers and social media actually happened to us. The horrible accident in along Meru-Nkubu Road that killed 8 people… Continue reading
Is there an award for the person who spends the most time in the toilet? I deserve that award – I’ve realized I spend insane amounts of time in that little room. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because I have seen the toilet as an adult. You see, in Gitura where I grew up, the… Continue reading
One unusual Friday, my partner-in-crime Dan Mwaura and I are busy at our Lenana Towers office, working on a side hustle (he also happens to be a work colleague – hope my bosses don’t read this). This side hustle is packaging one Kiambu politician with a Facebook banner. The said politician – who fell from… Continue reading
The other day I told you to Be A Man … but I did not tell you how. Today I will pass some wisdom over to you. Keep it in thine heart. HERE IS HOW TO BE A REAL MAN! Don’t Fear Shit. Being fearless doesn’t mean you don’t have fear, it means you know… Continue reading
The night of December 31st, 2007, Kibera Deep inside Kibera Slums, an elderly lady sat alone in a huge, old brick, double roomed house. In Kibera standards, that’s a humongous mansion. This was a wealthy lady… I mean, who owns a brick house amongst all the mud, mabati and polyethene structures? Normally, the old woman… Continue reading
Life is a journey… and to survive this journey, we all need some rules. Personal and universal life rules. Here are mine… that I think you should add to your constitution. Rule Number 1: Beyond the people who pay me money, no one else knows how much money I make. Never let anyone know how… Continue reading
I am a reader, that I know. And again, you cannot prove if I am a good reader or not. But writer? Bla blah blah. Let’s take it back several steps. Before I went to Nursery School, that’s what they were called back then before someone thought of THREE kindergartens before going to Class 1… Continue reading
In May, I decided to look for Medical books. Not those long, technically boring books with the difficult words that made me not join KMTC, but novels. Stories told by some of the world’s most creative writers. Read on: Tell Me Your Dreams – Sidney Sheldon What if there were other independent people living in… Continue reading
Where did we leave it last time? Oh, I was getting high high in the sky on my very first flight. So, lets complete the flight and the landing, will we? Now, every time I ever took a whisky, even my bowels used to stagger – I have to use the loo at the ,”earliest… Continue reading
Hello, baby. No matter how old you get, you will always be my baby. Wewe ni toto langu. And I will always be your father. I have seen a lot of things that you still don’t know about. I’m not saying I know everything – I expect you to see a lot more than me… Continue reading
We had gotten ourselves a business trip to India, Julie and I, for an e-Commerce and Customer Loyalty conference… To travel, you need passports. Which we don’t have and the notice period was three weeks. The queues at Nyayo house are long and torturing. And when I get to the front of the queue they… Continue reading
The reading train continues! In March, I read 4 books (I am doing well, ain’t I?) One was kinda boring, even to my standards; the other was a short but intriguing novella; one was a lovely story that has changed my life… and the other remains a secret. Read with me: Firewall – Andy McNab Last… Continue reading
I got my very first watch a long long time ago. I think I was in Class 4 or 5. It was one of those fake Casios that went for like 25 Shillings – a gift from my father for bringing home a bowl at the end of the term. (Come to think of it,… Continue reading
I am a rapper. At heart, everywhere. And now, it’s time to roga you musically. How do I know that? That I am a super MCee, super lyric buster? I just know… I know my talents and rapping is one of them. This rap mojo started when I was in high school. In Form 2,… Continue reading
I hate Thika! The first time I went to Thika was less than two years ago when Mfa passed on. I have since associated Thika with death and I only go there if it’s absolutely necessary. Like two Fridays ago when we had some work to do at Thika Technical. There are few good things… Continue reading
In January, I started my new journey of reading multiple books per month (btw, the picture above is of my growing third library). I did 2 books in January and promised myself to read four in February. Well, I managed to read 3 and a half (the half is part of one of those books that… Continue reading