The Writing of my Place in History

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Dictionary for Dummies:#KOT-Kenyans on Twitter#MKZ-Mukuru Kwa Zuckenburg-Facebook

Having nailed that,The First Presidential Debate went down featuring eight 2013 Presidential candidates.
Well,initially they were 6 until:
Presidential Debatehence

Then the debate went underway and as usual,Kenyans on Social Media assisted by one Dida made it a worldwide trending topic.
I got some of the whiffs:

  1. To save Ole kiyiapi,Sms the word “PENGO” to 2013……. Mchongoano
  2. Ati huyo mtu wa sign language hapo down ati wakisema Ole Kiyapi ana point meno #KEDebate2013″
  3. Ati Kenya cannot be run from Skype???Mboss haujajaribu Faimba??
  4. Mudavadi si apewe 3 minutes atume salamu ingo au vipi?
  5. The closest my kids will ever get to going to #BrookHouse is me showing them pirated cds of #Debate254.”
  6.  #BBC and #CNN will only air LIVE genocide footage from Africa. NOT SOBER DEBATE like #Debate254.Proud of @AlJazeera #AJEKOT”
  7. Linus moderated a debate. Julie hosted a talk show. #Debate254
  8. The debate is soo boring right now I’m actually looking forward to Abduba Dida’s turn. At least he’s funny #debate254
  9. Kwani these candidates pakad Viagra on their knees? Wamesimama for long na hawachoki bana. #Debate254
  10. kai kai iThink this guys should get a break now. To check on their cars maybe because Gumo
  11. If presidential candidates can stand for this long, why did we invest so much on parliament chairs for mps? #debate254
  12. Please be nice to Paul Muite, he’s had a long day chopping wood and putting together that extra podium.
  13. Dida chewed on old undies. His crazy can only come from genital excretions
  14. Am just imagining how the debate wud have been bila Dida and Muite, what were the media thinking? Missing all that comic 4rm Dida
  15. As for Madvd surely with his hot wife, how could she let him leave the house looking like that?
  16. My funmost moment was when Julie said ‘lets start with the lady’ and Martha looked around
  17. What would this debate be without Dida?
  18. Hahahaha what’s Dida saying? How’s eating when you’re hungry in line with preventive medicine?
  19. As Dida says “Somebody with a PhD in electricity will spend in the dark but a class 8 dropout will fix it.”
  20. Presidential candidates now ‘Writing their names and index numbers on the answer sheets’
  21. I hear Kalonzo is yet to decide which station to tune into for #KeDebate13
  22. Today you are still cleaning feet of jiggers and teaching kids to wash hands. All those years, where were you?” DIDA
  23. Dida ni baba ya eko dida?
  24. Ati Everytime Dida spoke the chiq translating was doing gangam style *I’ve been kicked out*
  25. The closest Dida can get to statehouse is by being a teacher at statehouse girls”,lol*hides*
  26. Dida: its true,when Kanu ate, we got the crumbs..these ppl even lick the plates!
  27. The only person who did worse than Musalia Mudavadi last night was Julie Gichuru.
  28. Collectively Raila, Uhuru, Ruto and Mudavadi have been in more parties than Paris Hilton. #Debate254 #KeDebate13
  29. Dida’s really making Uhuru look bad #kedebate13 he must be thinking “oh damn this pebble in my shoe!”
  30. First rule of presidential debate: Beware of candidates like Dida who have nothing to lose. They can bury you. 
  31. Mudavadi on education: “We can privatize the port of Mombassa”
  32. Tonight’s winners: Martha Karua, Linus Kaikai, the hashtag#KEdebate13, Abuda Dida and democracy.

When they went for a break

Kiyiapi’s toothbrush
Mudavadi went for a tea break
Uhuru went for vodka
Raila went for supu ya kichwa ya samaki
Martha went for lipstick
Dida went for miraa…

The President of Wajiya 
 we had 
One host(linus),
One invigilator(jul ie), 
One standup comedian (dida), 
One pastor(muite), 
One fashion disaster(mudava di), 
One others, 
Another others, 
Another others, 
And two presidential candidates…

Conclusions by a self proclaimed analyst:
1.Dida is a joker.
2.Ole kiyapi ..pass.
1/3 Githeri,1/3 Water,1/3 air-Dida Diet
3.Uhuru was coached and tried so hard to be
4.PK is fake.he was over confident and tried to copy Obama.
5.Mudavadi is sober but no policy whatsoever.
6.Martha Karua is straight but she acts like a school prefect.
7.RAILA told it as it is and he looks like the
8.Paul Muite is good.he knows things but he is just bitter

If it was a classroom

Muite – would be the annoying ‘mbenye’ prefect
RAO – would be the guy who gets D’s in school but straight A’s in Street smartness
Martha – is definitely the A student, Teachers Pet
Musalia – is the boring guy uko back bench
PK – is the guy who uses big words to impress and is saying what everyone says
UK – is the guy you sneak out of school with,he skips all classes yet gets straight A’s
Ole – is the kid who carries the teacher’s books to the staff room (spy)
Dida – is the coolest kid, the sportsman but the guy who fails even P.E

Did I miss anything?Add yours below….

Disclaimer: None of this mumbo-jumbo is my creation.All courtesy of #MKZ and #KOT

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