FRANKMWENDA

The Writing of my Place in History

My Wife and I: I Will be a Perfect Husband


husband and wife

The other day, I I told you I am looking for a wife. I told you, candidly, what I am looking for in my wife. That turned out to be one of the most popular posts I have done so far. I received lots of comments, including people calling me up.  Friends wished me well in my search, my mboys blasted me, random people told me enough things to fill a book, and speaking of books, there are readers who think I should write a book. Would you buy a book of these random things I write about? Story for another day. Among the feedback I received, was scathing attacks from feminists. Women who believe the woman’s position in the society is up there. 

Read: I am looking for a wife.

I am feminist, too. I believe the woman is up there with the top man. I believe in the strength of a woman. I believe women can do anything that’s doable, perfectly. I believe men and women have equal positions in the society and should have equal chances, from the secretary’s desk, to the night guard to the CEO to the presidency. With no favours. 

Now, extreme feminists think my article was way off hand, and that I was expecting too much from the modern woman, that I was looking for a house help(I read slave too). 

Someone challenged me to state what the woman would be getting in return. So, today, I will tell you the man I want to be, the person I aspire to be. 

I know the Njuri Ncheke will be disappointed, they will say I am failing the African man. My mboys will say nimekaliwa chapati. Neighbours will whisper and pinch at a distance. And we will give women stories to talk about during chamas. But I want happiness. I want paradise for a home:

I will be my wife’s best friend. I will share everything with her. I will be honest with her. If she messes I will be there with her, for her. We will have fun, my wife and I. We will do all the stupid things friends do together. Go swinging, raving, I will even learn how to swim for my wife. Who else doesn’t know how to swim without floaters, by the way?

I will support my wife in all she does as best as I can. If she wants to go to school, I will be down with it. She can study more than me. I would not mind to have a Prof. Mwenda (Mrs.) in my life. If it’s business she needs to do, I will even take a loan to help her develop herself. If it’s a career whe will want to nurture, I will support her. I will help take care of the kids as she pursues her dreams and try my best not to fall into the “are you sure you are coming from the office at this time of the night?”

See, trust will be the foundation of our marriage. I will love her so much she won’t imagine I can see another woman. Cherish her so much my heart will be beating with hers. As I said, we will never let jealousy get in between us. I don’t want my wife getting tempted by those overbleached women along River Road to buy mafuta to make me eat from the palms of her hands, like a zombie. Do those things work, by the way?

Responsible husband
Pic: HubPages
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When I say my wife has to be able to cook, keep the house span, and do laundry, and all these household chores, I don’t mean a “domesticated” woman, like one feminist accused me of. No. She is not an animal or something. I will cook for my wife, every Friday, Saturday and Sunday! I will watch those cooking shows with her and we will try the recipes together! Then Saturday mornings will be our cleaning day, together. I will wash the cars as she cleans the house. She will wash clothes and I will hang them for her. We will scrub the compound together. These are traditionally women chores, but I will help her. Just as she will hold the stool for me as I fix the lights in the ceiling. 

I believe marriage is about being a team. Doing things together. If her boss harasses her unfairly, you visit her workplace and give him a few choice words,then you pack her stuff and go help her write a new CV. Or scrub her back every time she takes a bath. Or help her undo her hair (I miss bomoaing hair, by the way, I could get addicted, if only for the stories you tell while undoing hair). My wife will be my defender and I, the goalkeeper. She will provide assists, and I will score. We will be a team. 

I was arguing with my partner in crime, Shiru, the other day, when I told her, nowadays I buy household stuff with the future in mind. I buy things to use in the long term, with my family. She told me, she agreed with her boyfriend that, when they get married, they will sell off everything and buy stuff stuff together. Furniture, electronics, kitchenware. Her argument? Equality in the house. So that neither of them feels like the majority shareholders, because they own more in the house. We argued and quarreled for most of an entire six hour flight, and agreed to disagree. But now, as I write this, I think she had a point. Because, I want my wife and I to own our marriage, 50-50. 

Pic; Today.com
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I have been warned about the ways I handle my problems with people- instead of confrontation, I tend to walk away and keep quiet about issues. When I get married, I will build a boxing ring in the house. We will fight with my wife. The first few years will be for us to fight. We will face every problem head on. So that, by the time kids come along, we will be done fighting. From experience, I would not want our kids to get us quarreling. We will try to know each other completely before they come along. 

A woman need to feel safe and secured with her man. She needs to feel that when he is with her no one can harm her. I am not a muscle man, and I don’t intend to be a body builder but I will keep my wife safe. And when we walk around, I will be this mean looking macho man. I think other men should not make passes at my wife when we walk around the street, it would make her feel unprotected, unsafe. I will be better than that. If bullets fly around, I will stand in front of her, and shield her from the world. 

And very importantly, we will a religious home. We will place our family in the hands of God. We will be built on the foundation of prayer and the Word of God. We will serve God in the church, and also outside, in Children’s Homes, in hospitals, in the streets, in conservancies. Because the true religion I believe in, is about caring for God’s people, and nature. 

I will keep dating my wife, forever. And, oh, remember what we said about sex?

Where is this wife?

I’ll give you love
The things you want
I would do anything for you
I would do anything for you
I would do anything, girl, anything for you

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-3T
 
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Main Pic: My work colleague, and one of my best friends, Evelyne, and her family. Hubby Benah and daughter, my niece, Jaja(Wanja)
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30 Comments

  1. Great article bro, Keep going.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. I love your dream,i hope you wont wake up from it,… its an awesome dream. When you talk jealous,in marriage,its positive and in real life leave alone a dream, for a person you love and adore,you can never want them to be with someone else. "I will keep my wife safe. And when we walk around, I will be this mean looking macho man. I think other men should not make passes at my wife when we walk around the street, it would make her feel unprotected, unsafe. I will be better than that. If bullets fly around, I will stand in front of her, and shield her from the world" By shielding her from the predictors,means you will be jealous of her. You are an awesome dreamer! 🙂

  4. Hahaha, Charity! It is not a dream..it is a vision. I can do it…there are people, right? There is normal jealousy(which MUST be part of a marriage) and there is too much jealousy(possessiveness) LOL

  5. Thanks for reading, AIL.

  6. …''She is finally here..MY WIFE…the one who compliments me!..''….waiting for that post…nice one though.

  7. Elaine Thayer

    Frank,
    I just read your blog and I can only hope to find what you aspire to be in Justus and our relationship. I have no problem doing whatever needs to be done to keep our life happy, our home secure and our world safe for us at all times. It’s time for feminists to wake up and realize that first and foremost they are women and to be happy in this world they need to learn to work with their man not fight about who does what job. As you said, work together, play together, pray together and you will stay together.
    If you were only a few years older and if I could still bear you children, I would beat down your door and beg you to marry me!!!!

  8. Pray and make sure that you understand what you really want coz that has been a problem with 2days men.

  9. you will get a wife someday

  10. Is it that bad? Hehe. I think I do.

  11. Yes. Yes. Yes. And a good one, right?

  12. WISH MEN SHOULD BE A LITTLE OF THIS……..

  13. But we are here, 100%, Maureen. 😉

  14. Don worry about the Njuri Ncheke be the best you can ever be, but you guys need to share kitchen chores so i will be convinced si kukaliwa….haha

  15. The best one is coming bro. I believe you

  16. True that. Maombi tu

  17. Yes. I am not saying I will always be in the kitchen. Hiyo ni kukaliwa. I don't care about Njuri Ncheke. 🙂

  18. This will be the luckiest woman..Hop si chocha.Cook for her on fri,sat n sunday?Mmh!!!

  19. I wanna be that wife:-)

  20. actions speak louder than words

  21. Hahaha super man…. Wow I like that. Mmm… Shikilia tho.

  22. Hehe. Like Batman, huh! I shoot cupid arrows. 🙂

  23. Yes they do, Joy! But again, words manifest the heart

  24. Make your move, Lilian. 🙂

  25. Hakuna chocha, Sheshe. You know me. True to my word.

  26. keroh

    Brother this is great, want to see this happen.. I know u know I know … Hehehe

  27. keroh

    Frank! Did u say cooking for her?….

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