FRANKMWENDA

The Writing of my Place in History

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Sad Letter From Sister: Mother Misses You

sad mother misses you
When is the last time you spoke to your mother? The graceful lady that brought you forth, and brought you up? Does she know what’s happening in your life, you know, as she knew every time you got a thorn in your feet as you grew up in the village. Do you know about the thorns in her heart and mind? Do YOU know how she is?
Below is a heartbreaking letter I received from sister:
 
Dear Brother,
 
Mother called me yesterday night.

Invest in Your Woman!

couple money woman

The past few weeks have been quite fast for me. Long nights, hard work (which I enjoy a lot, by the way), hours facing a screen of sorts and, well, not having time for myself, leave alone lovers and friends. Takes a toll on life, trust me. But it is a phase you have to go through when you have a young calf you need to breastfeed and support to stand on her feet. (See what I did there?

Hello – The Nonsense Cover

hello cover Kenya
Hello
Niaje
How have you been?
You liked 11 photos on my Instagram yesterday,
Did you stop because my 12th pic is a #WCW?
That made me think unanistalk,
Are you?

Hello, can you hear me?
Ni California (my childhood nickname),
Namiss vile ulikuwa unaniita Calif,
When we were young and free,
I am now older, just call me Frank. Nikuite Mama nani?

There is such a difference between us
I hear you have three kids..

Hello from Mauaaa!

Have You Seen This Idiot?

Kay Eye Isaac
I hate Whatsapp! Let me rephrase that. I dislike some aspects of Whatsapp. Like the endless viral messages you receive from 69 people and in 13 groups. You may get the same freaking picture 7 times in the SAME group! I would uninstall it any time were it not for my stinginess with airtime. Why chat on Bob’s expensive airtime when you can do it for free(almost?).

By the way, it is official! You will NOT be paying for annual subscription for Whatsapp!

Goodbye 2015, that was a Rollercoaster!

goodbye 2015

How years move! Just the other day, we were in 2014….kufumba na kufumbua, I have a 2016 diary. Is it only me or are years running faster every passing year? Or, is it a growing-old thing? A year was a very long time in primary school.  Have I been too busy?

Too much has happened between January and December. Some have been the best things ever to happen in my life, and some have been the worst things ever.

THAT Year After High School

high school jobless kenya
KCSE is over! I had forgotten about KCSE, it’s existence, and importance till this year. My brother, who has had a very difficult high school life and a live-in cousin have both completed KCSE. Welcome to semi-life, Evans and Alex. Now, please stop, and tell your parents to stop, calling me asking if you can come to stay with me for some time. I’m a bachelor about town and I like staying alone. More importantly, I want you to stay at home and ‘enjoy’ life as I enjoyed it back then-raw!

A Kenyan Man Goes to Buy Condoms

conndoms

So the girl you have been eyeing for ages has finally accepted a sleepover and you have a feeling that this will be a good night. You had praised your kitchen skills on Whatsapp and she wants to taste your food. You will cook for her. So, you go to the market, or supermarket depending on where you are, and buy cooking stuff you don’t use in your bachelor pad, like carrots and cucumbers, garbage. You get ginger, dhania and pilipili hoho, too.

Fat or Thin, you are Beautiful!

fat or thin

A girl friend of mine inboxes me on Facebook, “Frank, imagine someone called me fat today”.

I ask her, “Who? Njoki Chege?”

She hasn’t replied to me. I think she feels terrible someone called her fat. She actually isn’t big, she has a nice body, but could might have added on just a little weight. She is a modern girl. It is a taboo for modern women to add weight.

But. What happened to the world? When did growing thin and skinny become sexy?

Norah: My Flame!

We all have those contacts in the phone that are just that-contacts! Numbers and emails we have no idea where they came from. Or, is it only me? I have accumulated so many over the years, considering I have never lost my contacts since I got my line in Form 2. Some have just come, somehow. Mostly in the era of 2Go. (Let’s not go there) 🙂

So, the other day, I discovered a name that has been lying in my phone book, long dormant and sleepy.

To My Teachers and all Teachers: I Love You!

teachers punishment Kenya

I am who I am largely because of my teachers. I am even writing this blog, in part, because I don’t want to let my teachers down. They all thought I was going to be a journalist, or editor of some sort, because, English and Swahili were my bread and butter. Oddly, all teachers, both in Primary school and High school; even teachers who never taught me but knew me… They all advised me to be a journalist.

My Wife and I: I Will be a Perfect Husband

husband and wife

The other day, I I told you I am looking for a wife. I told you, candidly, what I am looking for in my wife. That turned out to be one of the most popular posts I have done so far. I received lots of comments, including people calling me up.  Friends wished me well in my search, my mboys blasted me, random people told me enough things to fill a book, and speaking of books, there are readers who think I should write a book.

I am Looking for a Wife!

Wife

Have you slept hungry, not because you don’t have food in the house, but because cooking sucks, especially when you know you will eat it alone? Have you then tried to sleep in a cold bed (in Limuru), alone, and still hungry? Have you woken up at 1:00 pm every Saturday, hyper hungry and stayed indoors till Sunday evening without speaking to anyone? Makes the mouth stink. Has Monday ever reached without you doing the laundry for the week because you had no one to wash for you, or at least motivate you?

Baite Inside! Yes, I am a Meru!

Meru Boy chewing miraa

A few weeks ago, I was lazily scrolling my Facebook when I saw a beauty. Some of you will call me a fisi, but males are supposed to “see” beautiful females, right?  I see them a lot. But this one caught my eye. She was beautiful. I just like such photos. But I commented on this. See, she was wearing a tee shirt that resonated with me. It had this message that I had seen before but, frankly, hadn’t given much thought: Baite Inside: Proud to be Meru.

Fare thee well, Mfa.

Two children, A and B are playing in ashes. You know, the game of smearing ash on each other’s face to make “Kamuithia”. Child B’s grandmother meets the kids playing and panics. You see, the “ash” is actually a very poisonous coffee pesticide. She picks up her grandchild and runs off with her, leaving Child A playing with the poison, un-amused. An older child, C, comes along and is shocked. He doesn’t run away to call for help, he doesn’t join in to play, he doesn’t admonish him, he does a smart thing… he carefully ties Child A’s hands with polyethylene bags so that he doesn’t put his hands in his mouth… and takes him home.…

Nairobi Initiation 6: I Have Been Conned, and Mugged.

I am walking home from college. Remember, I am doing CPA at Vision and I live in Plot 10, Kirinyaga Road. Just past Globe Cinema, this guy meekly greets me. He is lost, and wants to know where KCS house is. I tell him I don’t know. He has this heavy Meru accent, and I ask him if he is Meru… He is. Where? Kianjai. Wow! I went to school near those parts. Next thing I know, we are korogaing deep American.

Nairobi Initiation 5: Plot 10, the Sin City.

Have you ever lived in a remote control house? These are the houses, err, cubicles where a 6 by 3 ft bed fills the room. You can touch all four walls lying on the bed. You can close the door and window, cook, reach the “wardrobe” side of the room, and the TV that you have to hang from the roof because there is nowhere to place it. That, my friends, a remote control house.

Plot 10 is located right in town-yes, we lived in the CBD!

Nairobi Initiation 4: “We Ate Bread With Sirua!”

If you are reading this,you must have read part 1-3. Thank you for sticking with me. This is a true story and I have evoked nostalgia in some of my friends, and anger or shame or whatever in others. I am just Frank.

Where were we last time? Yes,we had to leave the house we knew as Mwanyenye- we knew only the house girl’s name because everyone in the house used to call her so loudly in Kisii,even in the middle of the night, to pass a glass of water.

The Nairobi Initiation 3: “I Swear I Didn’t Do It. Blame the Cat”

So I came to Nairobi… And did all manner of things, including walking all the way to Rongai and meeting my high school sweetheart, Makena. As I was telling you…meeting Makena introduced a new aspect to my Nairobi life… a new dimension.

Read Nairobi Initiation 1. and Nairobi Initiation 2.

Makena had progressed a big deal. She was way ahead of me in class-she was almost finishing CPA while I was starting. She was a laid back, devout young lady while I was a Hip Hop head.

The Nairobi Initiation 2: “I Walked to Rongai!”

Rongai Nairobi stage

I was telling you the other day of some villager’s(aka yours truly) ‘soft’  landing in the largest metropolis in Eastern Africa-Don’t we love bragging with our city, Nairobi? Being the most intelligent monkey in a group of apes makes you number 1 by design. 

Anyway, here I was, on the morning after. Duwano was actually a five star hostel, by my standards, maybe. There was a good breakfast ready-eggs, sausage, toast and tea-this was the life, baby!

The Nairobi Initiation 1: “I Will Be Your Host Tonight!”

The year is 2008. It is first of July and I am at the bus office bidding my mum goodbye. I am going to the big city alone for the first time,for a long time. Going to college.

I see a flash of tears in her eyes and she looks away fast. Tells me in a croaky voice to call her when I arrive.

“And keep the money safe” I am carrying cash. 

Off we go. The bus literally crawling up those Meru hills.

Throwback: 1983’s Laptop

We were reminiscing about phones the other day with my friends. How mobile phones were huge just a few years ago, then started going smaller and smaller-the smaller it was, the more expensive and classy the mobile phone was. In standard human weird trends, the size started getting bigger again-now everyone wants a big phone!

Computers, on the other hand, have gotten smaller and smaller over the years-remember Main Frame computers? You don’t, that’s something you only read about.

Blame these politicians for the terror

Bad things are happening to my country. …very bad things, of serious insecurity types.

Kenya has been known as the island of peace and economic stability in a region under siege….we have been brokering peace around us since independence.
Now,the tide has changed.  We are on the receiving end of the very things we have been consultants against. Insecurity topping the class.
Previously. , we only knew of bombings from international media: the Palestinas, the Iraqis, the Somalis, etc.

A-Z: 26 Tips For Building Powerful Personal Brand Online

Everyone has a personal brand. Do you know what yours conveys to potential employers? When your name is Googled, what comes up? If you haven’t given much thought to your personal brand, here are a few ways to start building it. There are numerous reasons that having your own brand strengthened by your content strategy benefits your business. Everything that you do demonstrates your personal brand, from the way that you represent yourself online to how you treat people at the grocery store.

10 Corporate Social Media Mistakes

You are likely well aware of how powerful social media channels have become for Corporates and Brands. When used correctly and mistake-free, you can successfully promote yourself, brand, or product.They can also harm your reputation, big time. Let us look at 10 Mistakes you are probably making on your Corporate Social Media efforts and how to avoid them:

1. Just plain boring.

Being boring could ‘kill’ your Social Media following. It will make people perceive your brand as a super duper boring brand.

KIDS AND THEIR CLASS ANSWERS

I adore babies, I really do. So, when my times comes, I will have a dozen
I dislike viral forwarded messages on email, text, WhatsApp and wherever. So, if you send me such a message and tell me to forward “to get blessings”, I won’t.
But when the forwarded message is about kids, and it is really fun or helpful, I get that juxtaposing feeling. Bitter sweet. I received this message via WhatsApp and I think I hear a rib crack!

50 Life Lessons: Be a Better You!

We should always work to be better people. We have the tools, and they shouldn’t be wasted. How you decide to become a better person is up to you. It may mean being a better spouse, parent, sibling, son, or daughter. Perhaps it means being a better provider, a better employee, or a better employer. No matter what it means to you, it means work. One should not shy away from the work that it takes to improve as a person.

40 Entrepreneurship Lessons From World’s Billionaires

Here is a collection of quotes from the World’s biggest entrepreneurs-Billionaires. Valuable advice for start ups:
1.      “For me, businesses are like buses. You stand on a corner and you don’t like where the first bus is going? Wait ten minutes and take another. Don’t like that one? They’ll just keep coming. There’s no end to buses or businesses.”
          Sheldon Adelson
2.      “The most dangerous poison is the feeling of achievement. The antidote is to every evening think what can be done better tomorrow.”
          Ingvar Kamprad
3.

MCashBook: The Ultimate M-Pesa Application.

In a world of hundreds of Thousands of Android applications, I have ‘discovered’ an Application that is actually relevant … that works for me.

M-Pesa is arguably the greatest innovation of our time, a revolution in mobile banking. Any banking has to have a trail, though-bank statements, a transaction history, among other reports. M-Pesa has been lacking these, and sometimes all you have to show for your transaction is an SMS-which you may lose! Granted, Safaricom Self care is now solving some of these, at least you can now get your statement.

Witty & Intelligent HR Questions & Answers

Witty…funny…just as I like them. Had to share:
Here are some of the typical HR questions asked to find out if the candidates have “out of box” thinking capability

Question 1:
“What will you do if I run away with your sister?”
The candidate who was selected answered ” I will not get a better match for my sister than you, sir.”

Question 2:
Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived and was kept before the candidate, then he asked “What is before you?”
Candidate: Instantly replied “Tea” and got selected.

Pledge to Plant a Tree – Twestival Nairobi 2013.


Warren Buffet once said : Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. 

Let’s face it-The quest for a super skyline is destroying our Greenline. Unless someone does something NOW, the coming generations will be living in a ballast forest-so to speak. Imagine Nairobi without trees….and the title we all love- The Green City in The Sun gets lost. 


“The cost of planting and maintaining one seedling is Sh.200.

7 Tips for Successful Business Social Media.

Last week, I commemorated (not really, just nominally) my year in Corporate Social Media. I now feel like a guru! I believe I now know a thing or two about Social Media to “write a credible academic journal”-or not. Corporate Social Media and personal social media activities are the same. You adopt your industry current and swim along. Only that you can’t Retweet some stuff. 

Let me share with you the following tips that I have learnt over time.

365 Ways of Becoming a Millionaire (Without being born one)

Some time ago, I used to attend one of those highly successful evangelical churches in Nairobi. One day, the Pastor gave an example of how he had had a visit from a young man who wanted his help publishing a book. He had already written the book, “How to Make Money”. Now, our pastor refused to fund the project. Why? This young man wanted the pastor to “give him money” to publish a book on “how to make money!” He simply told him to apply the principles he had written in his book to make the money he needed to publish the book.

FROM THE VERGE: A look back at iconic Nokia phones

nokia lumia_stock

Collection by Aaron Souppouris ( @AaronIsSocial ) –  The Verge

Today, depending on your perspective, we either mourn the loss of one of the most important phone makers ever, or celebrate that the people behind so many iconic phones will continue to work under the Microsoft flag.
As Microsoft, Nokia, and any number of regulatory authorities get to work on finalizing the $7.3 billion deal that will see Microsoft buy Nokia’s devices and services division, take a moment to look back at some of Nokia’s most beautiful, important, and bizarre creations.

THE ART AND SCIENCE OF MEMES

Watch your Facebook or Twitter TimeLine for a minute…There! You saw a meme, right? Some go viral, and a lot more get stifled under the pressure of the largely capturing ones.

Memes are one huge way of building exposure in Social Media- a creative meme is sure to garner you lots of attention, get your point across in a funny way, and get you the engagement you crave for.

But what is a meme? How would you define a meme?

Book I Read: DELIVERING HAPPINESS: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose

I read books, always. As you read this, I most probably have an open book. But, up to now, I haven’t read a book that has resonated with my mind the way this book by Tony Hsieh (read Shay) – the easily admirable CEO of Zappos.

This book is divided into 3 sections. The first part follows Hsieh’s entrepreneurial adventures from when he was young, for example his attempt to start an earthworm breeding business at the age of 9, a mail order button business in middle school, and a grille at Harvard University.

Want ‘Free’ Information? Pay me.

Be nice, Share information

I once wrote a rather historical-informative article for a company blog. Now, it required information from either books, or people who had been in the organization for long. You know, to provide me with the milestones and important dates for the organization. I dug in the archives and got little such information-so I had to resort to the latter-people.

As always, they were very helpful. That organization  is one where teamwork and ‘community’ is embedded. I got information, and where they could not help, they would refer me to someone who was likely to have the information.

7 Social Media Tips for Business

One of the things I do is Corporate Social Media. Over time, I have read a lot of articles on Social media use in business and tried all those rules. My university thesis was on the use of Social Media in the organization. My experience ( both theoretical and practical) is that to succeed in Social Media, there are certain aspects you should keep in mind.

Flow with Me:

1. Post Relevant stuff

The social sites have grown and changed from those first days of posting things like “I am eating Omena” You need to start posting more relevant information.

6 Things you Must do to be Effective.

What does it take to stand out as an effective person?

The other day, we had a sit-rep (that’s military lingo for unofficial inter-flow meetings) with Christine (you probably know her as MrsMwiti). Now, if you have had a chance to visit her blog, you will be mystified by the wisdom that she oozes. What’s more, she is my official mentor. We sit-rep all day at work. Call me lucky.

Now, the other day, we had a meeting, and the topic of discussion was Personal Branding- that is, how I can brand myself, how to be really effective, productive…..

HOW I GOT MY TWITTER ACCOUNT SUSPENDED, AND RESTORED

You have been on Twitter for some time now. You know how hard it is to get ONE twitter follower. The one day, you open twitter and see this:
Yes, that’s my Twitter handle up there: @FRANKKENYAN. And I got supended from Twitter this last Sunday!
Oh. The panic! I was with some friends chatting away, checking Twitter every few minutes. Then I refreshed the page. And saw that. And the mood changed.
How was I to get those followers again?

Relationship Advice: Men Need Space!

Men need space in love
Pic source: SBM

The other night, I received a call from my friend’s girlfriend (It’s complicated, now-I will tell you why), she called me at around 8:00 pm as I was reading a novel, waiting for my broth to cook. THAT MOMENT! She is a jovial person, and calls to say hi, or tease me.

Not today. She was sobbing, that struck me. “Frank, uko wapi (where are you)?” No greetings.

I told her I was in the house, and she asked if I was busy.…

SMALLWIG TURNED- BIG: VIDEO

My friend is on TV! I am from a village, so, my type of friends and I find it very hard to appear on TV- unless it’s a wedding video.

Just kidding, I know Bigwigs, too!

When I met Kay-eye, it was our first day at my place of work, you know, we were all fresh faced, and in full suits and ties( that is, before the suits were discarded) and we clicked on first site.…

Mourinho Made Ferguson Retire

You know who I blame for Sir Alex Ferguson deciding it’s time to retire? Jose Mourinho.

If you think that is absurd consider this: Mourinho’s return would present him with a challenge to knock Manchester United off their perch. Chelsea have been Premier League champions and they’ve been European champions. So what could Mourinho offer?

Fergie has talked in a beautiful, endearing way about how he wants to be with his wife, who has supported him for years.…

SHAMED BY MY MP

There is a TT dubbed #SomeoneTellLinturi regarding an MP who appeared in TV stations on Wednesday, whining in a rather accented voice that the Salaries and Remuneration Commission that deals with MPs and other Public Officials’ salaries had overstepped their mandate and called for the Commission’s wind up.

Previously, MPs used to mug us, Taxpayers at gun point.  They would wantonly set their pay, and resist any tax on it, they drove huge cars-my sweat. A traditionally severely divided lot, they would speak in one voice during such discussions.

10 Simple Ways to Boost Your Business on Facebook

Social media marketing is an important part of the business world these days, and your average company will have a Facebook page. Mark Zuckerberg’s creation is the most famous social media network and it offers plenty of welcome trade boosts for businesses across the globe, but few firms know how to tap into this potential properly.

The worst mistake any business can make is to view social media as a glorified marketing opportunity. It isn’t – the social media accounts you run are your business’s voice to your customers and the world.

THE SHAM THAT IS EQUITY AGENCY & MOBILE BANKING

FAIL!
Equity Bank Agency and Eazy 247 Customer care Fail

I am angry,very angry.This is a rant

I have been seated here for the last two hours and my patience is boiling,I feel like I can smash anything any minute from now. So I am now typing on my phone furiously,venting my anger on my poor phone. I think Equity should pay for a new keyboard.And a few other things. Why?

I registered for Equity Mobile Banking(Eazy 247) believing that it would live up to my expectations.

Its Kenya Vs Nigeria on TWITTER!

Well, #KOT is at it again.This time against Nigeria.

How it strarted: When the Kenya National Team went to Nigeria for the World Cup qualifier against Super Eagles, the Stars were humiliated by the worst reception a Federation can give a visiting team-they were given a school for accomodation and no training ground.

Well, #KOT did what they do best..’tell them’

And Nigerians on Twitter retaliated-in a big way.

Who won? The jury is still out.

22 Secrets of Happy People

Be Happy

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. – Dalai Lama

There are two types of people in the world: those who choose to be happy, and those who choose to be unhappy. Contrary to popular belief, happiness doesn’t come from fame, fortune, other people, or material possessions. Rather, it comes from within. The richest person in the world could be miserable while a homeless person could be right outside, walking around with a spring in every step.

WHAT POLITICIANS POSTED ON FACEBOOK AFTER ELECTIONS

As always, Kenya has one of the craziest, most creative lot on Facebook and Twitter.

When they are not telling foreign journalists off, they are cajoling someone for what she said on reality TV, or analyzing politics with abandon.

Immediately after elections, this is what Politicians are ‘alleged’ to have conversed on Facebook,according to  Fans of Crazy Monday.

MUDAVADI Updates:
“I wish I knew”
Uhuru,Ruto,Balala and 467 other
governors and senators LIKE this.

THE TUJUANE MEME COLLECTION

Tujuane.
Lets know each other.
Well, that sounds like a dating site…only that now it’s a TV show on KTN.
I wouldn’t have watched it…OK, I haven’t watched it yet, but it started a huge world trend on twitter.I would have collected all the tweets, but the memes were something,really.
As usual #KOT rocked and blew it out of proportion for the poor lass.
Some in the most haphazard arrangement possible:


 

That,and the thousands of tweets,the conclusion is Don’t rattle #KOT They will burn you.

UHURU WITHDRAWS FROM DEBATE

This is no longer a political blogbut wellKenyans need to know some things.

This is the letter Uhuru Kenyatta Team allegedly sent to the Presidential Debate coordinators, giving reasons for his withdrawal from the second round.

He says they didnt ask about:
Raila Odinga: Triton,Maize,Kazi kwa Vijana,and PEV.
Musalia Mudavadi: Goldenberg
Peter Kenneth:KFF and Kenya-Re scandals
Martha Karua: Moral standing(what?)
Paul Muite: Goldenberg-Kamlesh bribe
        Seems only Mwalimu Dida is the cleanest in this,but you never know,maybe he has ever eaten more than a third food components.

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