Laugh. Laugh again. That’s exercise. Because, as always, Gitura stories are fun. If you read this blog, you know my village, Gitura. If you ...
Category Kenyan
Gitura Chronicles Gitura 3 – Circumcision and Kabaine
Living in towns is depressing. You wake up at the same time in the morning, wear plain boring clothes, go to the same office or class, or job ...
Random Memories: Job Tarmacking was NOT a Joke
2011. I have just finished CPA, after years of struggle. If you know about CPA, you know it’s a struggle. And I’m not even a natural ...
Amerucan in America
On a certain night last month, I was playing hide and seek with Calla at JKIA to start the longest flight of my flying life. About 26 ...
GNLD, Forever Living and Other Stories
It’s many moons ago, and I am fresh in Nairobi (just after I had come into the city in search of education and proper initiation into the ...
Celebrating the Death of “those people”
Last weekend was a dark weekend for our village and the surrounding villages. The dark cloud still hangs over us like a giant rock about to crash ...
Yo! Yo! I am a Rapper.
I am a rapper. At heart, everywhere. And now, it’s time to roga you musically. How do I know that? That I am a super MCee, super lyric ...
When a Thika Prostitute Pins you to the Wall
I hate Thika! The first time I went to Thika was less than two years ago when Mfa passed on. I have since associated Thika with death and I only ...
My Bad-ass Valentine’s Day Ideas
Last week, I was live on Radio Jambo, talking about Valentine’s Day and how to spend the least but make the best impression on ...
Miathene Mono – My First Day in High School
I have seen a few monos in the streets this week. You can tell a mono from a mile away, you can smell even a mono. You can see it in the clothes, ...
Chronicles of my Village, Gitura
The other day I was told of a women group on Facebook rivalling Kilimani Mums… it’s called Vuteni Stool. When a woman says, ...
Hey, can we fight?
One day, my girlfriend (now ex) got into a fight with me because I didn’t fight her. Close your mouth… I also get girlfriends, I have ...
Boys and Dogs
It’s Sunday morning. It’s been a week since you had your last bath. Your legs are the real definition of mpararo – complete ...
If you are Circumcised
“Kama umetahiriwa nitusi tena.” I was in my village last week. And I took a walk around the village one fine evening inspecting ...
Random Memories 2: The Sexpert
I was telling you the other day about my life with my grandparents. With the worms gone and a contract for the supply of mandazi signed with the ...
Have You Seen This Idiot?
I hate Whatsapp! Let me rephrase that. I dislike some aspects of Whatsapp. Like the endless viral messages you receive from 69 people and in 13 ...
THAT Year After High School
KCSE is over! I had forgotten about KCSE, it’s existence, and importance till this year. My brother, who has had a very difficult high ...
A Kenyan Man Goes to Buy Condoms
So the girl you have been eyeing for ages has finally accepted a sleepover and you have a feeling that this will be a good night. You had praised ...
To My Teachers and all Teachers: I Love You!
I am who I am largely because of my teachers. I am even writing this blog, in part, because I don’t want to let my teachers down. They all ...
Baite Inside! Yes, I am a Meru!
A few weeks ago, I was lazily scrolling my Facebook when I saw a beauty. Some of you will call me a fisi, but males are supposed to ...
Nairobi Initiation 6: I Have Been Conned, and Mugged.
I am walking home from college. Remember, I am doing CPA at Vision and I live in Plot 10, Kirinyaga Road. Just past Globe Cinema, this guy meekly ...
Nairobi Initiation 5: Plot 10, the Sin City.
Have you ever lived in a remote control house? These are the houses, err, cubicles where a 6 by 3 ft bed fills the room. You can touch all four ...
Blame these politicians for the terror
Bad things are happening to my country. …very bad things, of serious insecurity types. Kenya has been known as the island of peace and ...
MCashBook: The Ultimate M-Pesa Application.
In a world of hundreds of Thousands of Android applications, I have ‘discovered’ an Application that is actually relevant … ...
Pledge to Plant a Tree – Twestival Nairobi 2013.
Warren Buffet once said : Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. Let’s face it-The ...
SHAMED BY MY MP
There is a TT dubbed #SomeoneTellLinturi regarding an MP who appeared in TV stations on Wednesday, whining in a rather accented voice ...
Its Kenya Vs Nigeria on TWITTER!
Well, #KOT is at it again.This time against Nigeria. How it strarted: When the Kenya National Team went to Nigeria for the World Cup qualifier ...
WHAT POLITICIANS POSTED ON FACEBOOK AFTER ELECTIONS
As always, Kenya has one of the craziest, most creative lot on Facebook and Twitter. When they are not telling foreign journalists off, they are ...
THE TUJUANE MEME COLLECTION
Tujuane. Lets know each other. Well, that sounds like a dating site…only that now it’s a TV show on KTN. I wouldn’t have ...
CRAZY #KOT AND #MKZ DEBATE ANALYSIS
Dictionary for Dummies:#KOT-Kenyans on Twitter#MKZ-Mukuru Kwa Zuckenburg-Facebook Having nailed that,The First Presidential Debate went down ...
KALEMBE NDILE’S LETTER TO MICROSOFT:HILLARIOUS
Got this from circles.Had to share: 1. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice. 2. We ...
Talking Advertisements
Companies can say or do anything just to sound cool and look cool, and gain customers in the process. It’s called promotion and includes seven ...
PREACHING PEACE?CRAP!!
Politicians,activists,church leaders and many more are criss crossing the country,holding forums and huge rallies for peaceful elections-in a bid ...
NEEDLES FOR DRUG USERS?
There has been news in the past few weeks that there is a plan(if not already being implemented) to provide free needles for drug users..in a bid ...
SAKATA BALL:WHY THE ‘F’ IN FKF DOESN’T STAND FOR FOOTBALL
I had just seen my email invite to the Safaricom Sakata Ball Launch…happy and excitedly!Ready to attend the spring of Kenyan youth ...
IDD AMIN SPEECH
IDD AMIN DADA SPEECH AT A FORUM HOSTED BY HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND: ‘My majesty Mr. Queen Sir, horrible ministers and members of ...
THE KENYA ANIMAL FARM
Smart MPigs George Orwell’s book,Animal Farm is about animals in a farm who are fed up with the oppressions in the farm and seek ...
MY BAKE AWARDS NOMINATION:AN ACCOLADE
So,the other day I am sitting idly in the house when I get a twitter mention by Ghafla Kenya….that I am among the nominees for ...
WHY I AM HAVING MANY CHILDREN!
In explaining interest rates and maturity of bonds,my lecturer gave an example that elicited murmurs from all.He said,money(or lack of it) is not ...
NSE Gets New Board in Restructuring:A DEMUTUALIZATION STEP?
My Finance class has been rife with speculative stories on the prespect of the NSE being demutualized soon.One of the conclusions we reached was ...
FOOTBALL MURDERS
There are some things that exceed human stupidity. I call it “Excessive human stupidity” for lack of a single solid term to describe some ...
TO BE AFRIKAN
adoptanegotiator To be Afrikan and what this means to me,Is a task that sheer words cannot dare to treat,For the beauty and warm feel of this ...
LOVE’S BLACK HOLE
what if you tattooed my nameupon your bosomand showed itso everyone knewwho i wasand what i mean to you what if iwas your everything todayyour ...
Sometimes
SometimesSometimes i reach out..sometimes i hesitate. Sometimes i hold on..sometimes i let go. Sometimes i look back..sometimes i look ...
More Is Less More or Less
In a country, A country of More laws and fewer morals More people with less power More religions but less God More money but less to spend More ...
GAY SOCIETY
“Pastor!I cant sit there,and let you defile the Lord’s alter with such an immoral topic” “Yes!I agree with ...
Life and Times of a Idle Youth
The phone rings at 8:00 am,very irritating….I look at it with one eye and gauge its importance in my dream.Its dad..he can wait.I hit the ...
COUNTRY ROAD
Walking,Running,Ah,this road terrain,Worsened by the rain,It’s literally a earth road, sorry, rocky road, no murram,Not even in this ...
BACK TO BASICS
A friend of mine came to ask me for advice the other day.Problem?She’s pregnant!So,do I know anybody who can ‘get rid of this?’ ...
victor brian: THE ALPHABET KENYAN STYLE
victor brian: THE ALPHABET KENYAN STYLE: If the alphabet was to be taught Kenyan style, it would go like this: A for Al-Shabab: Obviously nothing ...