Dictionary for Dummies:#KOT-Kenyans on Twitter#MKZ-Mukuru Kwa Zuckenburg-Facebook
Having nailed that,The First Presidential Debate went down featuring eight 2013 Presidential candidates.
Well,initially they were 6 until:
Then the debate went underway and as usual,Kenyans on Social Media assisted by one Dida made it a worldwide trending topic.
I got some of the whiffs:
- To save Ole kiyiapi,Sms the word “PENGO” to 2013……. Mchongoano
- Ati huyo mtu wa sign language hapo down ati wakisema Ole Kiyapi ana point meno #KEDebate2013″
- Ati Kenya cannot be run from Skype???Mboss haujajaribu Faimba??
- Mudavadi si apewe 3 minutes atume salamu ingo au vipi?
- The closest my kids will ever get to going to #BrookHouse is me showing them pirated cds of #Debate254.”
- #BBC and #CNN will only air LIVE genocide footage from Africa. NOT SOBER DEBATE like #Debate254.Proud of @AlJazeera #AJEKOT”
- Linus moderated a debate. Julie hosted a talk show. #Debate254
- The debate is soo boring right now I’m actually looking forward to Abduba Dida’s turn. At least he’s funny #debate254
- Kwani these candidates pakad Viagra on their knees? Wamesimama for long na hawachoki bana. #Debate254
- kai kai iThink this guys should get a break now. To check on their cars maybe because Gumo
- If presidential candidates can stand for this long, why did we invest so much on parliament chairs for mps? #debate254
- Please be nice to Paul Muite, he’s had a long day chopping wood and putting together that extra podium.
- Dida chewed on old undies. His crazy can only come from genital excretions
- Am just imagining how the debate wud have been bila Dida and Muite, what were the media thinking? Missing all that comic 4rm Dida
- As for Madvd surely with his hot wife, how could she let him leave the house looking like that?
- My funmost moment was when Julie said ‘lets start with the lady’ and Martha looked around
- What would this debate be without Dida?
- Hahahaha what’s Dida saying? How’s eating when you’re hungry in line with preventive medicine?
- As Dida says “Somebody with a PhD in electricity will spend in the dark but a class 8 dropout will fix it.”
- Presidential candidates now ‘Writing their names and index numbers on the answer sheets’
- I hear Kalonzo is yet to decide which station to tune into for #KeDebate13
- Today you are still cleaning feet of jiggers and teaching kids to wash hands. All those years, where were you?” DIDA
- Dida ni baba ya eko dida?
- Ati Everytime Dida spoke the chiq translating was doing gangam style *I’ve been kicked out*
- The closest Dida can get to statehouse is by being a teacher at statehouse girls”,lol*hides*
- Dida: its true,when Kanu ate, we got the crumbs..these ppl even lick the plates!
- The only person who did worse than Musalia Mudavadi last night was Julie Gichuru.
- Collectively Raila, Uhuru, Ruto and Mudavadi have been in more parties than Paris Hilton. #Debate254 #KeDebate13
- Dida’s really making Uhuru look bad #kedebate13 he must be thinking “oh damn this pebble in my shoe!”
- First rule of presidential debate: Beware of candidates like Dida who have nothing to lose. They can bury you.
- Mudavadi on education: “We can privatize the port of Mombassa”
- Tonight’s winners: Martha Karua, Linus Kaikai, the hashtag#KEdebate13, Abuda Dida and democracy.
When they went for a break
Mudavadi went for a tea break
Uhuru went for vodka
Raila went for supu ya kichwa ya samaki
Martha went for lipstick
Dida went for miraa…
|The President of Wajiya|
One invigilator(jul ie),
One standup comedian (dida),
One fashion disaster(mudava di),
And two presidential candidates…
Conclusions by a self proclaimed analyst:
1.Dida is a joker.
2.Ole kiyapi ..pass.
|1/3 Githeri,1/3 Water,1/3 air-Dida Diet|
3.Uhuru was coached and tried so hard to be composed.lol.
4.PK is fake.he was over confident and tried to copy Obama.
5.Mudavadi is sober but no policy whatsoever.
6.Martha Karua is straight but she acts like a school prefect.
7.RAILA told it as it is and he looks like the man.lol.
8.Paul Muite is good.he knows things but he is just bitter
If it was a classroom
Muite – would be the annoying ‘mbenye’ prefect
RAO – would be the guy who gets D’s in school but straight A’s in Street smartness
Martha – is definitely the A student, Teachers Pet
Musalia – is the boring guy uko back bench
PK – is the guy who uses big words to impress and is saying what everyone says
UK – is the guy you sneak out of school with,he skips all classes yet gets straight A’s
Ole – is the kid who carries the teacher’s books to the staff room (spy)
Dida – is the coolest kid, the sportsman but the guy who fails even P.E
Did I miss anything?Add yours below….
Disclaimer: None of this mumbo-jumbo is my creation.All courtesy of #MKZ and #KOT
Julie : Why did THE CHICKEN cross the road??
DIDA: Its about time we started teaching Chicken the values of NOT crossing roads. Its better to stay on one side of the road than the other. Suppose it was knocked down by a speeding car! What would it have said? Thats the kind of Chicken that would vote for Waititu.
KIYAPI: It depends with WHERE the chicken was going. Crossing the road is NOT the end of the story. I resigned from the Education Ministry to fight for the rights of Everyone! Chickens included! If a chicken wants to cross the road,let it cross the road! Thats what my party RBK stands for!
UHURU: The JUBILEE government will ensure a 24-hour Economy where a chicken will NOT have to cross ANY road in search for jobs. I will create jobs right where the chicken is standing…And the ONLY time a chicken leaves the work station,is maybe when its going to answer charges at the ICC.
KENNETH: I was born in Bahati. We used to call it,"Bahaa….." ,I went to Starehe,where we used to eat chicken every weekend. And am sorry,I think we ate that chicken too.Anyway,dont worry, My Government will create another chicken within the first 100 days…
MUDAVADI: Did YOU mention a CHICKEN?? Julie Gichuru,did You JUST mention a chicken?? Wait,Is that chicken here??! Am sorry but I think we are NOT supposed to be discussing a chicken. We should be EATING it!
KARUA: I believe in Integrity. I pushed so hard for that chicken to stay ON one side of the road. But the two principals failed to convince their troops to stop the chicken from crossing. The constitution is clear on the role of chickens. And My government will NOT only bring back the chicken,I wil also close down that road!
RAILA: Chickens are just chickens. That is the kind of chicken that owns huge tracts of land on the other side of the road! As a chicken,I believe You should stay in one place! Not crossing roads every now and then! You cant lay eggs through Skype.
MUITE: The Safina Government will get down to the bottom of the matter! You cannot convince Me,or any rational Kenyan,that that chicken was acting alone! NO! That chicken must have been sent by other chickens! You cannot tell me that other chickens were NOT aware that that chicken was crossing the road! Of course they were! And am NOT holding brief for that chicken,but My Government will investigate the matter and include more chickens in this whole 'Road-Crossing' Scandal!