FRANKMWENDA

The Writing of my Place in History

Relationship Advice: Men Need Space!


Men need space in love
Pic source: SBM

The other night, I received a call from my friend’s girlfriend (It’s complicated, now-I will tell you why), she called me at around 8:00 pm as I was reading a novel, waiting for my broth to cook. THAT MOMENT! She is a jovial person, and calls to say hi, or tease me.

Not today. She was sobbing, that struck me. “Frank, uko wapi (where are you)?” No greetings.

I told her I was in the house, and she asked if I was busy. Well, I was, but given the situation, I said, “It depends” to which she said she had to see me “now“. Friends, what would you have done? What would you have thought? A thousand thoughts crisscrossed my mind. The most prevalent was on the premises of death, or some calamity.

 So, I just turned off the cooker and went out to meet her. It was late, and the trail is not so safe, and she was out there, coming to me. I just touched my Bible, put on a jacket, and left the house.

So I met her. She was crying. Sobbing loudly.

Too much for the suspense. I told her to tell me what was going and she got started, chattering how she had met her boyfriend ( that’s my friend, let’s call him Fred), the whole story, how she has never loved anybody like him, how they were so different but strong love bonded them, how they had SMSed each other the previous day (she showed me, some sweet lovey dovey nothings), and all those, 30 minutes.

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“But since yesterday, he has been unavailable on the phone”. The bombshell was on the way, “but when I called him a few minutes ago, a girl picked up the phone and told me she is Fred’s wife, and that I should never call the number at night again, or EVER!”

At that point, she was getting hysterical and passers by were staring at us. I felt embarrassed, but relieved. This was no bad news!

So, I now assumed the Dr. Phil role, and found out that “We have not been having any problems lately, as you could see from yesterday’s SMS” and “he was mteja all day, and when the phone went through, I called more than ten times without him answering, finally the girl answered” I figured out that the guy had no wife, or anything close, he had gone looking for some ‘wife’ to answer the phone! Genius!

I even called him, and he told me so himself, that he was just tired. And I figured out something else, THE GUY NEEDED SPACE! Shoot me.

If a guy feels you are too demanding in the relationship, that you are mother-henning him, that you are nagging him, he will start clamoring for space! Especially if he has some ego problems he want to solve. Fred has been out of contract at work, and he is really feeling down. And that she had told him the previous day, not to worry about that, that things will be Okay. That he will get a renewal, and if he needed anything, she would be there to help. Kaboom!

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And I told her, give him space! Don’t call him, he will call you back, and we can bet on that!

See, a man with issues is a difficult one to understand. At times his mind will get so foggy that he can’t see or think clearly, in other words, the path he was once on is no longer visible, there may be a ton of issues that’s on his mind including his relationship with you. His way of solving his issues is to first begin with the present, which is his significant other. He will ask for space, (understand that he’s not shutting the door on your relationship, he’s just merely pushing it in a bit with hopes of returning), at this time he will utilize his time alone to prioritize and sort through what’s badgering him, it may take a couple weeks, a month or moreregardless, if you feel that he is someone worth waiting for, then all you need to do is be confident, trust and have patience. Once he’s able to start solving his problems, the fog slowly starts to disappear which now makes the path he was once on VISIBLE again. This is when he will attempt to follow the path back to where he left off in hopes of you still being there. Asking for space is a risk that he is taking, it’s a risk of losing his significant other, but if you both had a strong relationship and you knew that you fulfilled each other in ways that no one else could, then there is a high possibility that his significant other will be waiting for him.

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Women are more open with their emotions, they are more sensitive, they love to talk things out when there is a problem, cry easily and tend to need reassurance at times. Men on the other hand are more reserved with their feelings, it’s never up for discussion, being pressured to talk does nothing but push them away and even if they are heartbroken, they keep it to themselves. Men cope with emotions differently, men will probably say things to their significant other that may be hurtful, when in reality they don’t intentionally mean to hurt you, they do this in hopes that it will be the end of the conversation at that very moment, deep down they are probably hurting inside just as much as you are, but they just don’t know how to let that feeling out especially when they feel pressured.

Am I right, or wrong?

I was an accountant who fell in love with writing, and eloped. Call me Social Media Accountant. The only way for me is through.

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8 Comments

  1. Thats the gospel truth. Thats a fantastic piece bro. Kudos

  2. Eng

    I first that!

  3. Murangiri

    Right on point, but i'd rate it 95% of all the girlfriend would wait. I'd say Matusi 4 2days would follow, then blablah then the 3rd day would b….. accept en move on

  4. Uongo!!! I was given space na Mimi HUYOOOOOOO ndethe!!! Sikurudi

  5. Ninyendawa

    Nani, over my dead body…masaaaa ni asome number si upus ya nyenyenyenye!

  6. Kitsune

    Anyone who explains how they feel or how they work out a personal situation by using a story centered around statistics covering 'group' behavior is just another pretender. There is no such thing as advise which covers men or women as a group. In general, most people have no personality and ideas of their own. As such, they tend to look for something to fit into. If they hear stories about how men usually 'like three women at any given time', or how 'men usually cannot talk about how they feel', they will end up aping those stories to a tee.

    No two people are alike in how they behave. The only reason a woman is NOT allowed to use the excuse 'men are dogs' when her relationship fails is because it simply isn't true. Men are not all the same. All men do not fall under a particular category and all men are certainly not mute, unfeeling apes who are unable to express themselves. Any man who wants to fall in that category is simply lazy. He does not want to have to think for himself and he does not want to be an individual. He has been brainwashed to think that these habits make him a typical red-blooded male.

    Even if you read old stories about great men, whether African, Eastern or Western, you will find that there are clear differences between all those characters. None of them have the exact same kind of personality based on what they have for genitals.

    Your relationship is dependent on each of your different personalities as partners. Not on some lazy-ass reason made up to make you some part of a group.

  7. Anonymous

    Quite true. Men hate women who smother them.

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