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Beating the Wife in the Name of the Lord.


Sad wife

Mary (not her real name) is a woman in a complicated situation. And she is so good an actor, you can’t tell what’s going on in her life. You see, Mary is the wife of a pastor… and on Sundays, she is the bubbly “Mum” of her church, laughing and hugging everyone, leading the worship team, and doing all the happy things that church mums do.

But the smile wipes away as soon as she steps into her house, or sorry, pastors’ wives host a lot of guests, who she serves with a smile… but then this falls into mighty sadness and terror.

She clings on people, and her happiest times are when she is around people. Because as soon as she is alone with her husband, terror reigns.

Her husband, the man of God, is always quarreling over something, and degrading her with every opportunity, musing how fat she has become, how lazy she is, how she is not like the other pastors’ wives, how she is an embarrassment to him, how much he regrets marrying her and if it were not for his position in the church he would have sent her back to her folks.

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Hurtful words, words that break her spirit every moment.

Sometimes he has gone beyond the words… A few months back, she was late coming home – late because the pastor got home before her. And he locked her outside all night! The animal opened the door, where she had sat sobbing and pleading the whole night, at 5:00 am!

It’s gone a step further – he slapped her, for the first time last week!

wife battering

In case it crossed your mind, no, it was not a moment of anger – the man of God is not apologetic. He believes if you don’t discipline your wife, she will mess you up big time; sit on you and teach the kids to disrespect you.

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Yet that’s not the most hurting thing. What hurts her most is the preaching of hope her husband does every week, how scores of believers sit to listen to his preaching of love, mercy and grace. How other women look at her, envious of her having a saved pastor for a husband while their husbands drink their evenings away.

That gets into her… And is the source of her misery.

She says she cannot leave or talk to someone who knows the Pastor husband… Because she will embarass him.

“What will people think about their Pastor if I decide to leave? Will they even believe me?”


Discussion Point: What Does the Bible Say?

 I have been scouring the Bible for cases where the Bible says the husband should discipline his wife. The Bible seems to be very clear that marriage is a  mutual submission of husband and wife out of love for Christ. Husbands should love their wives as they love their own body, as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:28-29). It’s clear that you must love your wife and not be harsh with her (Col 3:19). Actually, if you don’t honour your wife as the weaker vessel, your prayers will not be answered (1 Pet 3:7). 

Did I miss anything? Does Christianity allow wife-battering? Is that Pastor justified? Can’t the wife walk out of the marriage with a Pastor?

Let’s discuss in comments


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